Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
