cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
