Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
