My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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