When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
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All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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