I'm drive I can fine osifer
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
