I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize