dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
