One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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