mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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