I just threw up on my dentist
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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