Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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