some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
