conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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