a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
