Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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