That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
