I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
