winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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