just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
