I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
