Can Purell be used as lube?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
