yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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