so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
