Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
