this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
