I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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