to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
