im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
