I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I AM VODKA MAN
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
