new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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