Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
