So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
