He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
