im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
