we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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