I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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