now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
