I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
