maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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