that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
