i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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