Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
