You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
