2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
