dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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