she smelled like a LAN party
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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