just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
