Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
