Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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