you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
