I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
