Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  goodnight i made you a song goodbye

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  (518): goodnight i made you a song goodbye http://tfl.nu/zq8r
  Replies (2) Good night (697) Bad night (888)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  That's okay, it's all protein anyway.

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  (302): Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!? (1-302): That's okay, it's all protein anyway. http://tfl.nu/dhny
  Replies (68) Good night (3726) Bad night (896)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.

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  (336): I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me. http://tfl.nu/4zk7
  Replies (24) Good night (2781) Bad night (1157)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?

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  (440): any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10? http://tfl.nu/j6t4
  Replies (13) Good night (1137) Bad night (5012)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.

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  (314): shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that. http://tfl.nu/a94h
  Replies (16) Good night (1754) Bad night (4059)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.

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  (506): No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better. http://tfl.nu/gi84
  Replies (5) Good night (2627) Bad night (973)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.

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  (303): Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila. http://tfl.nu/tq95
  Replies (8) Good night (2603) Bad night (823)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.

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  (214): The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero. http://tfl.nu/qcue
  Replies (11) Good night (3180) Bad night (752)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?

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  (203): Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high? http://tfl.nu/olxn
  Replies (8) Good night (853) Bad night (2318)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

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  (540): I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night? http://tfl.nu/328v
  Replies (9) Good night (2604) Bad night (693)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".

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  (+44): Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis". http://tfl.nu/tct7
  Replies (7) Good night (1670) Bad night (535)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.

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  (303): You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him. http://tfl.nu/i4cz
  Replies (5) Good night (1070) Bad night (645)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN

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  (402): YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN http://tfl.nu/z672
  Replies (2) Good night (753) Bad night (302)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high

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  (519): can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high http://tfl.nu/opzj
  Replies (2) Good night (540) Bad night (341)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school

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  (205): And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school http://tfl.nu/10l1
  Replies (2) Good night (651) Bad night (230)

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