Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
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She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite