Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
