my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.