Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
