I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year