so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
