Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
