i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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