Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
