I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
