He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
