If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
