Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
