dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
