why didn't you poke me back
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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