I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
me + whiskey = a bad person
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I need water and some morals
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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