I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
