why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
