And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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