well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
