I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
