dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
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MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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