i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
