One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Your cock deserves a montage
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
