She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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