To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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